Words feed themselves
I was in a dark place surrounded by creatures whom I did not recognise at first. This was the pathway to my oblivion because I realized my life had come to an abrupt end. I had to wait a long time for my eternal prize and I was very anxious to accept my reward as I came to my senses and I found out who was going to preside in this, my dark ceremony. I flinched because it was none other than the angel of darkness, yes the lord of the flies. I did not know where the chanting was coming from; I only surmised that it was coming from the darkest corners of hell. I admitted to myself that I was heading the right way, and with pride, I bade farewell to my life. This was the way to Beelzebub? I have been imagining being there to stay, fantasizing sweet dreams of perdition, with Satan waiting for me on my death day. ‘Show me the pathway to the kingdom of hell’ I use to shout. Did I have any particular belief? Why Satan, why hell? Maybe because we all imagine that Satan is evil and, hell is a bad place. What shall I ask for, if not an accommodation where I can touch evil with both my hands? Satan and hell are only a metaphor. It could be anyone and anywhere. Someone has to understand me, this is the only way to have my desires fulfilled, and as long as I am there I’ll be 75
contented, for a new life with creatures like me and with them I shall have a new beginning. What if I change my mind at the last moment? What if I did not like the place, the surroundings, what then? I will ask to be reincarnated. I shall request to become a humble dog, devoid of sex, as I will request to be castrated. I know that without alcohol to manipulate my thoughts and without women to lead me on, I will live a wonderfully easy life, deprived of my habits and lust; I’ll have a quiet life without strife. My soul belongs to my angel protector. I will be delighted to feel welcome again, which means I will no longer be forlorn. Underneath this mask, I am a good man, but nobody cares who I am, just as long I’m non-existent. Once I join Satan’s evil cycle, I will quickly be damned. Can I blend with others that are not of my same design? Of course not; If I shall mix with the other souls, I’ll despise them far more and more, because if I climb up from the ladder of corruption, I won’t be able to control my evil doings. Will I be so bearable and justifiable, as my blood will mix with others like me? If that is so I will not betray my promise to my lord, instead, I shall be fulfilled till infinity, which won’t be until my demise. I will blend my stained blood with the others. I will make them all my scapegoats. I shall betray and corrupt them truly until the time comes when 76
all of them will be united in my kingdom called psychosis.
Is a hard thing to do!