A MAN AND 
HIS CONSCIENCE

The sequel to the Patient

In two acts by Alfred Vassallo

 

CAST
The Conscience
The Man


SCENERY
(an empty room preferably black painted)

TIME
The Present

 

 

 

 

© 2019 Alfred Vassallo.
This play cannot be presented without permission of the author

 


The MAN in this play is a troubled soul and an alcoholic . Both sending him into a world of fantasy, combines with guilt formed from his past years. In this drama we walk hand in hand with his struggles and his passionate thoughts and emotions.

ACT ONE

(The play begins with The Man stands in the middle of the stage while The Conscience stands exactly behind him. 

THE CONSCIENCE
(Moves his head to one to the right so that he is visible. He does this every time he speaks until they separate. He alternate between right and left))


The beating of your heart became the teacher of your beautiful distasteful life, along with your glorious dubious love, and your fearless spirit. In life, you stand for bold honesty, strong equality, tender kindness, and treating people the way you want them to treat you. Your compassion emanates out of great knowledge and with a mighty passion. Meaning that having true compassion is not only to feel your pains but of others also and being moved to help alleviate it. Your compassion is an attitude, a way of life, a viewpoint, a manner that becomes a discipline and is a choice you make, and that pure love is more important than comfort or convenience. 
You got away with murder, your psychiatrist broke the rules of his profession and never revealed your guilt. After few years he sent you out to roam the world once again. And instead of cherish his devotion and care for you, how did you repay him? By staying the same as you were before you went to his hospital? Look at you now, have a good look at yourself. Why don’t you?


(Moves his head back so that it is completely behind him again)
 
THE MAN
(Standing still)


In sickness and health, my heart broke it became more fragile than it was. All this because I needed love.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
That’s right.

 


THE MAN
I still cannot recapitulate my early days, to do so I have to concentrate very hard, my past is extremely blurred, it looks like a foggy lane. I will have to use torchlight to find the beginning let alone my initiation and to explain the characteristics of my life.
I don't like to go over it again the outline of my early life was very disruptive. It required strong effort on my part, to recap everything, sometimes, I will recount events that occurred to me, and I reiterate with honesty, keep repeating my promise, that one day I will restate my living as I wanted it to be. A few years from now I shall review my pledge, run over thoroughly every single word I said, devour it, not only that I will run through it again and again. I will also express concisely, of how the hell did I go through it all. To sum up, am I asking the meaning of my life?
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You do cry in despair because you challenge every aspect of the life around you.
 
THE MAN
I know. The actions are horrible and inhumane. Citizens in turmoil, as the war rages on. I like to shout, STOP! There are no winners, only losers. The body count is horrendous, many left crippled and others homeless. In the name of God! In the name of Allah! I say STOP! How many more children are wasted before common sense is realised? Stop I say, stop the fucking wars now! The conflicts lingering, soldiers walking to their deaths, all for the sake of religions and power.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
The fresh breeze might cleanse the heart!
 
THE MAN
I having a soiled one and is forever in jeopardy. In a time of confusion, understanding is needed, notwithstanding the aggression of hate. Killing thy neighbour a way of living, insight jealousy inflames the cause, negative decisions control wickedness. Giving the time, we all suffer the consequences.


THE CONSCIENCE
Aloud you cry for the unity of the hearts, live, love and long for your the world. Out-of-the-box thinking in a positive way, undo the errors of your past, and destroying hate, for you, is a must.​
 
THE MAN
Without love within, is like a useless book with only blank pages.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You think today the idea that people can live an honest, meaningful life without following a formal religious or creed is common and doesn’t seem shocking any more. 
 
THE MAN
Being a humanist, a release from ecclesiastical authority, with the liberation of the intellect. The belief that people themselves can improve their conditions without God’s help is far conceived. Indeed people have to do so. People should show respect to others irrespective of class, race or creed. It is fundamental to the attitude of life.
In a country like Syria, there is no freedom, no justice, no tolerance, and no happiness.
All human rights have been wiped out, many family homeless, while help is not around.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
I wonder what is the purpose of you today?
 
THE MAN
Today, Oh! Today? What is today? Yet if I could go back again to yesterday’s summer. Where my skin was tanned for lying on the beach all day long. A cold beer and a fresh salad for lunch. While the burning sand manipulated everything. I even brought some home with me hiding in my shoes. Oh. To wait for another summer as Autumn leaves me and Winter starts.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
That summer something horrendous happened. I know you still obsessed with it but it is passed and you must forget about it


THE MAN
How can? When I saw her the first time my eyes popped out with excitement, she only asked me for a fresh orange juice. She sat down on an empty table by a window. I kept looking at her. The coffee bar was empty, she was the only customer I had at that time. Slowly I walked out from behind the counter and moved to her table. I expressed my feelings, I told her I loved her at first sight. She felt uncomfortable…… and she told me so….I apologised and went back to the counter
A week after she came back and once again she ordered an orange juice, I looked at her and smiled. I apologised once again, but she told me that she was rude and not me. We became best friends, not for long though, we met every Sunday in a public park. When I saw her last I took some pictures of her. That was the last time we met…… Now I feel her painful absence, I had only a few weeks in her company. Breast cancer killed her.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
I asking you to forget it.

THE MAN 
(Sits and Pauses the Conscience walks away and sits cross legs on the floor opposite him)


No, I won’t because the demon of the night is upon me; it has nothing to do with religion or sect. Nor with time or place. The unexpected demonic affair can happen in the sunshine or the moonlight. It can also happen in the best of weather or the worst. For the demon of the night is a state existing only in my morbid mind. It is also the dark unknown region of you, my consciousness, from which all the unknown fears of my life surface. I don’t know when the demon makes itself known. 


(Pauses)


Why don’t you leave me alone sometimes?


(stands and move away from him. The Conscience stays as he was)

THE CONSCIENCE
I will if I could. Though during the night, the full moon smiles upon you. Why do you think you are a sacrificial lamb?
 
THE MAN
I don’t think that, but I hate what we humans are doing to each other. I gaze at the full moon many times and I scream with anger at it. Because I saw him looking around many times. He was in a dark place, quiet and still, sniffing the moisten air, searching for the weakest prey. He felt like sinking his knife into some human flesh, which he knew he could find if he was patient enough. He has to destroy the body, to satisfy his evil hunger. He had to, He needs to capture the loneliness that he endures and must nourish his evil thoughts, even at the cost of human life. And when they kill is accessible, then he shall feast until dawn. He shall laugh with satisfaction, with persistence, with determination, with completion. He shall grind his teeth until he’s satisfied because he is the evil of the night.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
(Stands and goes behind him)


Castigated and beaten you are with these thoughts, so I shall bring forward the fruits of weeping. A humiliation without cause, forbidden truths slaved your heart and soul not in chains, but in grief and sorrow; you are drowning in hardship clutching at straws, so I say again to you I bring forward the fruits of weeping; as you raise your head in defeat and could not stand tall, in fact, you are always staggering with grief and sorrow. For a while the torment gave you a pause, you’ve shut off in darkness in a small chamber, covered by saturated walls; The accusations were without the clause, you were imprisoned unlawfully for a long period, you were in grief and sorrow; you did not provoke or break laws, So to you, I say bring forward the fruits of weeping.

THE MAN
(Walks away from him)


I do not surrender with those who contradict me; I shall not argue against those who criticise me I hold my face up and shield my behaviour; I shall emerge victoriously and hold them in contempt. To them, I shall wield my intelligence against those who destructively criticise me. I am not the enemy, I am just a writer of words, take heed as my pen is mightier than theirs; they may seek my demise, attempt to disgrace and shame me, But I am strong, brave and above all filled with love. To those who mock me, I demean and I shall expose their smear; may those who plot to ruin my character be damned for all times. I am like the wind that blows from the north I wipe out all the trash that appears on my way, I do not capitulate easily and with my truthful words I will drive all hostilities away; my path is bright and stable while theirs is dark and slippery.
Whether they expose their lies without cause then I shall attack them severely, they may try to ruin me and overtake me by surprise but I’m on the alert for their vicious tongues; and with their tongues, they shall fall into the pit of shame. My heart shall rejoice and my satisfaction shall be complete.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You know they are short-lived liars, their noses grow bigger and bigger, while you are free as the blowing wind. 
 
THE MAN
Free? You must be joking. I’m caged like a tiger, for safety precautions, to minimize harmful hazards from a mind-controlled by logic and sense. I’m confined like a lion, making sure escapism is discouraged, restraining the tongue from spilling out the truth. I’m detained like a bird lacking freedom, with clipped wings, unable to express the flight of immunity and privilege. I’m incarcerated behind wired fence hoping that the accusers and the oppressors would understand, that confining me doesn't work, it enhances liberty.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You have found yourself airborne in the sky, like a bird flying freely. Sensing all that is around you, feeling the arms at length, which moves, regardless of your will. It was your unconsciousness, which is my conscious, that compelled you to be relaxed, body and soul.
 
THE MAN
No, I know it's not true, I have nothing but shame myself. I did not do any humble acts. My life was not normal like any other. It was an ordinary life, yes, but I had
Stole many good hearts and harm every one of them. Pranks I did, many, what do you expect from a child-like mind? Like a newborn man, I am not, only natural to make mistakes and walk into the path of misadventure. Living restricted without vital reasons. To make love not like an animal but as a decent human. Unconscious I should be always, though I am pleased by the freedom of speech. Because freedom doesn’t grow on trees. It will not fly like a bird
Neither swims like a fish. To be free in life is to be pure in heart, and I am not. In participation with freedom, to be free as a man, as a man who needs space; space produced in my imagination and that finds the free heart, where is it I ask? Where is the heart filled with a democratic living? I tell you again, No, I know it's not true, yet now do I need to reproach myself. I was unfaithful, never living a normal marriage. Ordinary life as it can be. I had not, I worked very hard, yes, I had a family to support, I paid my taxes, I did have many faults though. Tell me What do you expect from a human being? I am a human being, am I not?
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Morality generates irresponsibility, wickedness makes you crawl and insignificant;
Your world with no good and evil is only an appetite for mediocrity. A quagmire life. 
 
THE MAN
And rightly so because I remembering well with eyes full of tears, how his reddish face change into grey instantly. How his eyes gone blur, his mouth distorted and his body stopped functioning. There I saw the body of a man I loved most. The father who gave me more than love. My dad, my idol who died in front of my face. I remembering well with eyes bursting with tears as I answered the phone and getting the bad news that never expected. A sombre voice informed me about her. The woman with beautiful eyes, with those striking coloured red lips, attractive face to go with it.
My mother was dead. And I three thousand miles away. Gone and left me without saying goodbye. My eyes, my weary eyes still bursting with tears. I remembering well with eyes that saw the agonies of my sister in excruciating pains, lying in bed in front of me. Cancer eating her body slowly, devouring her essence. An only sister whom I loved so much. She cared and took care of me. Somehow my eyes don’t seem to stop crying, I wonder, do I have any more tears to shed? I remembering well with anxiety and anger, recalling the last time I’ve spoken to my brother. The only living person and sibling I still have. A dispute, he hates drunkards and I am one. My very tired eyes overflowing with tears of grief. He lives there, and I am here. Two siblings at emotional war, a battle which none of us can win. I also remember well this instant, this minute, with fresh tears teeming out, dripping on my sad tired face….
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Why are you being so hard on yourself? You were born from a decent family! Who brought you up in a proper manner. Life is hard to live it.
 
THE MAN
I am getting used to sadness and loneliness, it is part of my survival. The seclusion is the art of my silence, I live without betterment.

THE CONSCIENCE
You know that morality stinks, I for one, obviously a hindrance, I try to keep your tired mind in control for at present it lacks the mentality of your deficiency.
 
THE MAN
I was born many years ago and for that, I don’t thank my parents. I do not thank for a long enduring living; I am unseen but not unknown, even though I’ve struggled with strife. A full and bitter living I have had, I thank nobody for it, I thank myself for many senseless decisions; the ripened weakness for lust exposed, leaving me exhausted with many conflicts. I was given a heart, I thank no one, though I thank all for shattering it into pieces; for the betrayals and jealousy throughout, while vicious tongues made my love emotions crimp. These eyes I have, I saw many wars all over, I thank the maniac minds of the warmonger leaders, I thank for allowing scientists creating havoc of veneration; changing the laws of nature into profanities, while innocents struggle and with life they persevere. I heard it all with the ears I possess, I thank the vicious tongue that has spoken. I thank the media for listening to utter nonsense throughout; the preachers uttering words on nonsensical subjects, the priests and clergy spitting holy words of doubt. I thank for the humiliation of slavery in existence, for all the migrants to find new homes and be free. Blessed are the meek; for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are the pure in heart; they shall never see peace.
I thank hope, hoping that evil marauders flee before us, I thank hope, hoping they will disappear without trouble.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You are walking hand in hand with your shadows, it shows you the light of your inner emotions; will it be right to escape from your pessimism? Which is leaving you weak and very frail. Sometimes I see you facing serious doubts, with the past that continues to shed you many tears; the same doubts of a life you had in those days, leaving confused and aghast.
 
THE MAN
Through tender admiration to trace, my vigorous eyes shall escape dishonour. The black cloud will pass away, I hope with haste to have a bright new start! I’m hoping life will be pleasing to the eyesight, I like to saunter in a field of white daisies; I shall bow to her nature’s majesty, for I may have a dazzling future! The contributing therapy to my injured heart, the harmony of my love for her which shall never seize; and with my earnest desire I shall be strong, without bursting in high spirits. I shall be guided from grace to grace, hand in hand with a smile on my face; I am hoping for no more aches and sorrows, squalls should be calmer and tempests should be dying. This is my dream, and it is futile!
 
THE CONSCIENCE
If that is your dream, explain to me why it is futile? Have you not got the will to be happy? Enjoy life and love your family?
 
THE MAN
I do love my family, I always did and I die loving them. As for why it is futile I tell you because dead, is the heart within, lonely, as I feel love reaches the atrocious pit, down into the mucky earth, where optimism died with it too, in solitary. I know I have a deserted the heart, discarded, in the darkness which now serves me well, for my living is not adequate, and is unwanted. It is also bleak, trembling, without vivacity, unclear the muddy surroundings, where my love lies, quivering. Forsaken too it is, unbecoming, indelicate and unappealing, in contrast with the surroundings of love’s living quarters, unflattering. Depressing, yes, but it is the right word? My heart is unloved, it lies where apathy is so popular, even in the abyss of darkness, in the void of hell, weakening, without the flowing of blood, the no existing endless twitching, for love is dead, and the compassion has vanished, into the pit of mediocrity, and melancholy.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
The exaggerations are your doom. You have no consideration about how to enjoy life and others.
 
THE MAN
How can I? Dreary is my loving heart, insensitive, until it found out, what made it cry, unimposing with strict self-denial, and inattentive. To say that my heart is unwilling
it ‘s not an exaggeration, and to adapt in this sombre atmosphere, subdued with no allowances, no exceptions, only to accomplish tediousness, and disinclining. I tell you dead is my heart, damned with those obsolete emotions, inactive reactions, passions and sensations. I am full of dread.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
If I’m not here to lead to your right path, what do you think shall happen to you?
 
THE MAN
When I find myself in times of trouble, you always play the game of wisdom, whispering soft words of caution, reminding me of my shame. In my lonely hour of darkness, you are standing right in front of me, showing me true words of love, displaying the ruthless ways of my journey. When I’m broken and disrupted, living wildly in a world full of temptation, you are there, rebelling against my pity, instead of working for my deliverance For though I may be full of blame, there is still a chance that I will be emancipated, but you pierce my heart instantly, instead of becoming my friend in need. When judgement day approaches, there’s still hope that I will be vindicated, and from a guilty plea to an insane one, you and I will still be emancipated. My punishment is greater than expected, which you have manipulated in my mind, causing my heart to bleed the blood of remorse, making my body aches with much fear. What chance have I got to triumph, when my only integrity is you judging me? I will rot in heaven or disintegrate in hell, and my soul will still bear my filthiest smudge.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Your trouble is that you always manage to deliver your blame to others. The way you pity yourself is not admirable. It is sinking you further down the blackest pit.
 
THE MAN
Does it worry me a bit? The sooner I get there the better. What is the point having a pocket loaded with money, or to be in the land of milk and honey? It will not lead me anywhere. Happiness doesn't resolve around riches, nor from caprice or subjugation, if joy depended on these minor things, I will continue to stay depressed. What is the point of seeking favours from other women, since I’m already committed to my wife, my solemn vow I now regret because I wanted to live another life? What is the point condemning the deed of others? Hating my surroundings, crushing the poor, do I think I’m happier with my doings? What is the point of committing myself to this world, when I also have to leave this earth, my demise will come sooner than I think in a blink of the eye? The point is there is no gratification anywhere, the appreciation of being alive has no beginning, the satisfaction of being dead soon wears off, it is better to be dismayed then being bold. What is the point that I am living still? What is so good in waiting for death to come, when quickly I can say an instant goodbye?

 

THE CONSCIENCE
Do I need to constantly remind you where and why did it all go wrong? Everything you have touched came to a halt, still, I presume you are a man the never stops. Life in its mercy has given you a great gift, yet you have cursed it from the year thirteen; How could you complain about life? Alcohol drinking which kept you unclean. You never laughed the last laugh, while trying to empty the last bottle. You needed for nothing and you were greatly treasured; Through being abused left you grieved and took its measure. As a child, you were molested by a paedophile, Eight years old and knew the world already; which led you to be the most unfaithful man, while your normal life was already convulsive.
 
THE MAN
You can say that again. Sometimes I plead with life to make me a real man, with the strength to defend my rights; encouraging to protect honesty and discourage those who contradict. I beg with life to furnish me with love, to the one who knows what my heart needs; and to teach me to cover all that is moral. To secure my thoughts, let them be sincere in every emotion; to cancel out every tasteless objective, and helps me to guard against vicious tongues. I pray to detain my troubled soul, to let it be faithful through my needs; to cleanse my heeds from corruption, and to make me a real man avoiding crime.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You should never let me go. Adulation, allegiance, amity, and love. To the truth, you shall stick, and wait without weeping. You should feel far away from your pains, and not to waste time trying to get rid of me.
 
THE MAN
To get rid of you is a must, It shall benefit me quite nice. I will stop loving the poorest and the saddest. My heart will be homeward bound. In the ears, it sounds harsh. It will be as if the home is a sweet haven. Then purity will reside within me. Sweet liberty, will visit me often, never to be in jeopardy. No more sober fears, and no more crying.
I will see love approaching, accessing, without diminishing. I shall bear the fruits of the undesirables, they all will be soiled by influence; the hideous shall never come around, and their hate goes aground. I know to get rid of you is a must. If I do then hope revives, and my heart shall not be stilled.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Esto quod es
 
THE MAN
What?
 
THE CONSCIENCE 
Be what you are.


THE MAN
You know what I am.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
I want you to admit to yourself what you are, it shall cleanse me a little bit.
 
THE MAN
Who am I exactly? I am a lot of things. I am a crook! I have taken something which doesn’t belong to me, I took her in my arms, kissed her with passionate love, slept with her even though she belonged to somebody else. I am a brigand and a plunderer, who stole the love I was given to cherish from within my heart and gave it to the devil. I am a reckless person who had everything that a man would what, and in a moment of madness, I crushed it all underfoot. I am a gangster for with my mind I manipulated women lovingly but cunningly seduces them. I am a gunman! Who shoots unwanted thoughts and tries to survive, by not thinking at all under a bulletproof existence. I am a highwayman who travels very fast into oblivion, consuming alcohol as if it was holy water. I am a hijacker! I kidnapped my own heart because I won’t give it a chance to control me. I am a marauder, wandering about trying to find peace, which I have lost a long time ago. I am an outlaw! A fugitive from the awful truth. The same truth that mingles instantly with my sorry feelings. I am an awful pirate! Who places black patches on both my eyes, so that I do not see how much I hurt the people who loved me most. I am a racketeer! Not for profit or possession, but for pure love, who engages me to extract the goodness from warm loving women. 
I am a skilful robber! So skilful I am that in a blink of an eye, I can seduce a lady from the arms of her lover. I am a thief! Who robs hearts and love which don’t belong to me. I am an appalling, despicable bandit! I am a man, who cannot be trusted.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You have said it.

 

END of ACT ONE

 

 

 

 

ACT TWO

THE MAN
The ghosts of my past tormenting me. My journey started an excursion of doubt and it will open the door of my dubious state; a journey taking me to a weird and murky point and it is not a place which shall reveal my outcome. The ghosts of yesterday appear to warn me of dread, yet I’m heading to a menacing place of secluded living. 
My past life seems to be millions of years away but it’s like linking it to my future and all its strife. The appalling time presses in as though it is alive. It stays hanging to my past and I can almost sense it; I can almost feel it presses on my fragile chest, whispering echoing true words which I hesitate to admit. The thought of one vital woman brings no relief. It produces tension that inhabits my old heart; at least some of the pains have eased somehow, pains that touched on my fears I knew from the beginning.

As the journey continues more doubts appears revealing more disturbances of weirdness; throughout I found a strange and lonely life, like a sleeping existence soon to wake up in readiness. I know that I should stop and return, yet I cannot as long as I feel my answers are here; Answers which I have been looking for a long time, hoping that they might be found quickly. The darkness and the isolation are tremendously tiring, they are corrupted by the dust of my hidden emotions, walled by the ghosts of my past constantly haunting me, the same fears of my uncertain future are tender and rife. The past drifts through dark corridors of the unknown, settling in corners of complete uneasiness and dismay; waiting for my mind to uncover more than the truth, the demons of my unsettled time are here to stay. They have found their place in the isolated area of my heart. They echo with so much pain in a lonely and frightening environment; a realm where the answers for the future can give me hope and that is all I have to hang on too otherwise I end up nowhere. The answers of the future have not been found yet. The existence of hope is very much in doubt; since I have travelled through the streets of life and has become part of the strange path. 
A peculiarity which seems to reach out and touches my soul, the past is my prison in which I’ve been too long shut-in; I’m not afraid of the present only frightened of my future yet both carry a filthy stench of fear of which I am resigned. The fears transfer through my veins and mingle with my blood they, seeping through my heart interrupting the smooth flow. My present is situated on an isolated peak hanging by a thread while the secrets of my past are not yet ready to be put on display. A cold sweat started to attack my body, a strike with a force of definite affirmation; no life beyond seemingly only hopelessness, with dejection and the terrible seclusion of dread. From the moment I slipped from mother’s womb, I have been surrounded by tension and battles; everything echoing the ghosts of my past and I know those ghosts having a tight grip on my present afflictions.

The connection between then and now is very real and somehow I shall discover what I want to know; the dark ambience of my existing life dominates, it is part of the uneasy world I built and understand. If I listened to its rumours I shudder to continue, the dark themes of the present binding me to the past; I wish to forget.The doors opened widely and the truth came rushing quickly. The first tragedy came upon me, a parting in a form of death the was taken away, the man I protected for so long; the father who I loved and shielded since I was eight years old, the hidden impacts I feared most suddenly came on. The atmosphere was bleak there was no sound, except for the sobbing by the siblings around the coffin; there was also the crying of the guilty one gazing at me, hoping for me to forgive and forget her past behaviour. The strangeness that surrounded me still haunts me, though I forgave never to forget for what she reaped and sow. The past is not a mystery any more but my future is, it is bound to the childhood years I had faced; the compelling tension I endured were endless. So much happened in five feeling lonely and shamed.

Those were the years facing the woman I love most and the man who abused me for a long long time; no wonder I never trusted and lusted over women so much, while the paedophile exploited me with his perverted acts. The woman who never left my thoughts and never will, the mother who knew I was aware of her secret past; though a secret safe with me always haunting my mind, for she was the one and only person who loved me most. The man, the cunning paedophile ten years my senior, who lured me into the dirty world of sexual filth. How could I have faced him for all those years still knowing the damage he had done with his abuse? The rood I took after that was steep and winding, it twisted and turned to manipulate for so many years; it led me to ruin and condemning my teenage life while hurting all the people know I was completely wrong.

I haven’t passed all the grief and pain, for me now death is the legitimate advantage.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
When you’re alone, why don’t you shall shout, like an angry man? Swear? You curse yourself, this was always your way, your style, your life. You are wrong and you damn well know it.
 
THE MAN
Why do you torment me? I know you don’t really exist but somehow you remind me of that good man the Psychiatrist. You even speak the same words to me as he did all those years I stayed in his hospital. I wonder how he is now?
 
THE CONSCIENCE
He is dead and you knew that. And you also know that you live like a simple ordinary man, when in fact, you are a devil in disguise, pretending to be someone you are not. I know and am sure what you are, I admit life keeps you bewildered and corrupt. You do what pleases you joining with abhorrence all night long.
 
THE MAN
I am a man, with two different faces, one is so evil, the other good. You see the good is always weak and fragile, while the evil, creates havoc as it should. The evil character, must be admired, and I do, it persuades me that the false, is true. My heart pleads heavily with the good side, honestly, but it does not know what to do.
THE CONSCIENCE
When you are honest half the battle is won and helps you to try getting rid of this evil deed. Do you remember when an altar boy you were, assisting the priest during mass? You used to pray to become like him, but your dreams were thrown into a furnace.
 
THE MAN
(Laughs)
And now, what do I believe in?…. Gods are plenty. If I was a deity what will I do? I will do something about the disordered life which the big boss in his wisdom has created. Gods, there are plenty, from the Almighty to Eros, Venus and Zeus, but really who cares? What did the one they call the Almighty created? In my opinion, he produced something to be very aware of. This product called Earth, probably created while being drunk with the divine wine produced by grapes of divinity, been created for a fake reason if not, why all the unpleasantness? Where is love? Where is peace? Where the hell is compassion? Would it have been so bad if none of the emotions that we possess, we're not included in his manifesto? Are we so ignorant that we don’t dare face the truth? Of course, this big boss had one intention. It was a precise intention to make us struggle. To jump from fence to fence, to see us sweat and bleed under pressure. This deity a gifted manufacturer of dollhouses created us to be manipulated with. But then, why do we devote ourselves to the great titans as our leaders from a greater realm? Not all of us are devoted to the one God (Jehovah) in particular, but those who are, tend to try and gain strong favour and ultimately some of his power. What is the effectiveness of these gods, if I may ask? I think all depends on one’s devotion point of view and these must be taken from the person’s beliefs. But an agnostic (the doubtful, the uncertain) considers these deities as farcical intelligence and who regards them as evil and godlessness.
The devotion we hold in our mind of these gods is certainly a sort of an obsession. In short, we are being conditioned from the womb.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
So you are saying that religious conviction, poverty, chastity, and submission is an absurd supposition.
 
THE MAN
And why not? Look around you and tell me where can you see love and peace?
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Not everyone or everything is in the state you are pointing out. You know there must be peace and love somewhere?


THE MAN
Where? Peace has fled and I don’t think it will come back. I heard the bombs screaming down, old familiar explosions blasting, falling chillingly and diabolically, as the world has a broken heart. I tell you peace has ultimately fled because malice is distributed everywhere! Means of surviving is not at hand, mystified population do not realise the cause. We are doomed to kingdom come while listening to the muffled disturbing drums. Peace has fled all right, now instead hate is creating havoc and dread. Many citizens singing a cheerful death song, the world does not belong to humans any more. For wars are an absolute crime, as I see children crying their eyes out we have to accept that peace has finally escaped us. How many victims of hate are now dead? Warmongers dictate and ordering the military about, smiling falsely with accursed mouths and while the explosions are heard, our frightened appeals are drowned. In despair we accept faith, many lives changed to ghosts. Can we imagine hate became so strong, while agonies lengthen? I am sure, peace has ultimately run away from us because now hate is raising epitaphs mostly unread. The church bells became silent, God did not rid us of the dictators. The wicked shall predominate, while the virtuous will fail.

THE CONSCIENCE
Till the end, all will respect humanity, especially after the hostilities, because peace is harder than conflicts. Killing hatred until there is an end to it, don’t let your heart be affected by frenzy. Make love, kiss and cuddle, enjoy yourself till the end of life. Relish the thought of not being dead at the end.
 
THE MAN
Whispering thoughts floating in my head, manipulating all my desires that are muted, murmuring constantly without a hint of rest, distributing the memories I had forgotten. These whispering thoughts are seducing my weak mind, and I sob relentlessly in mental confusion.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
With these damned thoughts, destruction of your mind is near, you have hopes, but they are futile because they are bad; Forget about closer and think of recovery. Hopes remain, alas they are futile,
 
THE MAN
Will I never again give a smile again?
 
THE CONSCIENCE
The demons within you are causing you to insanity again. The evil days descending. Cast me off if you dare, and you have the scope.
 
THE MAN
The future of hope is swiftly drizzling away, I can see it collapsing, subsiding, almost dying. The destruction of my mind I face again yet I hold no fear.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Everything in you think goes blank, because you think that nobody cares about you not even yourself. Solitude is murdering you. When searching for the right ways and not found, you shout yet nobody hears; you beg for kindness, and you receive none,
Your prayers fall on deaf ears. You never realized the pains of impossibility, while living in a world of fantasy, and stuffed with equivocal and unstable memories. No matter how much time passes, the last wheel turns the wrong way and shall rotate you toward the end of oblivion. If you keep living in this fantastic illusion, filled with doubts and scepticism with all the suffering, happiness will surely elude you.
 
THE MAN
Does happiness elude me? When did I ever be happy? Because frankly, I cannot think of one moment.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
When you won the best award when you were sixteen. When your first daughter was born and then the second……..
 
THE MAN
(Angrily)
Shut up will you? Whatever you mumble I am not going to listen to you any more.
The doors have closed for me now, all I have to do is to be patient and wait; until I will be met with respect again, while disgrace and shame will be eliminated. I cannot and will not stand for degradation any more, long time ago I was a decent human being, I agree that I have changed completely, yet nobody knows exactly why I am like this. Now, I walk in the dark shadows of doubt, Without proof or any witnesses on my side, to confirm the goodness that was my heart and the integrity of my self-esteem and humility.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You feel like that because not only you do not help yourself but the constant drinking alcohol has placed you in a world of your own. It was a vague humiliation, that was only the beginning, and with a subtle awkwardness you could not manage, you hoped it will disguise the vicious truth, the mysteries and agonies of your uncertain hope. It was only your shame that held you back, it placed you in a strange and dark situation, a place full of uninvited obscure shadows, where all your inhibitions would appear. Embarrassments that occupied your life, the days came with unexpected tomorrows, the nights followed with anticipated past, and all you had left was a heart jammed with grief.
 
THE MAN
Because of the addiction, I have unwanted love, unwanted feeling; and an unwanted heart. I am bleeding heavily. I’m lost in solitude, I’m lost in darkness; I’m lost amongst people. Lost by sadness. My heart would like to love too, yet my heart feels the confusion, the turbulence of emotions because it is a heart in seclusion. I ask myself, does she love me too? And still? I’m sick and haunted; Why am I treated so? 
Do I cry? Of course, I bloody do, the eyes full of tears and blinded by lust. I am fucking damned.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
The shade of love bangs tightly on a dark shadow, your bleeding heart left you unhealed and fragile; in the darkness of your mind, you chase memories of true love.
 
THE MAN
Where is my beloved whose name I cannot speak?
 
THE CONSCIENCE
That is what I am talking about. She doesn’t exist any more. She doesn’t belong to you. How long has it been, thirty-five years ago?
 
THE MAN
(In a dream world)
Laughing and giggling, that beautiful face, and I? Loving her, only her, without rest,
in the morning, in the evening, during sleep, all the time. And she? Does she feel the same? Loving me all day through? I don’t think so, because full of frivolity, silliness, and triviality. I’ll try, and keep on trying, hoping, cause I love her, that her playful mind, will change, someday! While lying on a mattress reflecting, gazing at a blank ceiling, about a face, a smiling face, which drove me insane, bewitched me, saddened,
distressed and wounded me. And this face, stamped on my mind, always, forever, even after many long years, a decade or two or three. She’s cruel, was, then and now,
without affections, cares and regards, because she knows, I love her. Still on the bed,
facing the void, the nothingness, wherever, anywhere, any place, somewhere, everywhere all over the place, far and wide, in all places, I think of her, consumed and drained, breathless, thinking, deliberating, considering, feeling, believing in her, and her dubious love, which once she had for me. 
Looking, here and there, without noticing, how sad, distraught, and hurt I am even when hand in hand, walking, among happy crowds, except for me, the unfortunate, the miserable, the unfulfilled lover.
 
I loved her, and still do, without conditions, no stipulations, just loving, adoring, idolising, honouring my true ardour, even now, after three decades, apart from each other, even though I have wife, and she a husband, but loving her I will forever, for eternity, till I meet her again, in my thoughts, in my imaginations, every second that I breathe, every second of my life, every second I have left.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
But she is dead. You killed her don’t you remember?

THE MAN
Did I? May be I did. Maybe it was one of those nightmares I used to have. I really cannot tell.

THE CONSCIENCE
These are signs of wrath, signs of anger, your world belongs in ashes, and terrified you should be, as the fire of truth descends from the sky; examining your conscience, examining me. These are signs of retribution, signs of reprimand, provoking vengeance, you are gifting the accursed guilt, falsifying the facts; and separating them from reality. All the signs are there. Signs of suffering, signs of confusion, doomed fires of hell, connecting the disjointed, searching for weakness; beyond the boundaries. Signs of constraint, signs of repression, your shame exposed, your pride distinguished, offering no hope; for an eternal catastrophe.
 
THE MAN
Why do I follow the path that could lead to me to my destruction? Am I missing something, or is it just for a bit of fun? I must endeavour in this inquiry. My incentive, they’re full of doubts and fears, which is rendering me to become euphoric, which will lead me once again, to so much pain and tears. Once I am under the spell of alcohol it’s very hard to break free.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
What you need now is to forgive yourself. What is done is done. Nothing changes. Only waiting for the end is not right. Say you are sorry. Give a smile instead. Again I say forget the past except for this rose that is given to you. Make friendship with the new peace. With the sadness that holds the heart, the remorse clinging to the mind is a composite of enchantment and pain. The wrongdoings are outlined you know that. Ask for pardon, it's not much to ask. You are sick and tired, are you not hiding behind that mask you are wearing?
 
THE MAN
Love, I only have one, a composite of apathy and persistence. No new opportunity can go astray. I am lost. I have no resistance. Through the years, love the most awkward of emotions, though very easy to submit came to my heart. I know I’m rational yet years made me insolent, unruly, unfaithful and fake. The feelings, the physical sensation of touch, the inspiring emotion and experience of perception; yet years made me suspicious, wary and hesitant and ambiguous. The reason, the noblest of faculties, assisting with validating facts; one idea to a related idea yet years made me think, wonder, brood over and cogitate. My desire, the cause of obsession, impeded by social conventions, class and cultural barriers, yet years made me tolerant, lenient, humane and resigned. Even temptation instigated attraction and enticement, the prelude to coaxing and inducing, the consequences are resilient; yet years did not impede me, did not bring me to an end and terminated all my affections. Nothing good ensued, I’ve become ordinary and swine, with misplaced reputation, neither good nor bad. Love the most awkward of emotions, I reject heaven every day, for not being spared the distress. Love is meaningless now, I have forbidden it from my heart, I have spurned my feelings, my tenderness and my affections. When I sense love, I scamper away in a distance, in its presence I don’t acknowledge it.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Contradiction, contradiction and contradiction.
 
THE MAN
Shut up and fuck off!
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Don’t you know why I will never shut up? You can fuck me off many times till the end of your life and I will still be here, with you.
 
THE MAN
What a hopeless thought. At least when I argue with other people sometimes I win. Not with you, no, you are cunning and a cheat.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Because I speak the truth you call me a cheat. You see you don’t like hearing true things.
 
THE MAN
Truth? I longed for truth many years ago. Instead in response, I got shit! Do I slap myself? Am I jealous of others? Do I speak vile words against others? Do I spread rumours? No. 
(To the audience)
A husband forgave an unfaithful wife. If one only love oneself how can one achieve love? Are you so beautiful that nobody can touch you? Do you tell people how awful they are? How better you are than them? Do I ever underestimate the hand of justice? The hands of death come to all and pat us on the back. Don’t think you are superior and death will pass by. If one speaks evil than evil enters the heart. Do I love all my brothers and also my sisters or just a few? One might like a few people who always praise them. Those who are critical of one they hate. When one spoke of cancer, cancer entered one’s body. Do not throw stones! Making excuses for bereavement is nonsense. How much sympathy does one need? When one spoke of love, love entered his heart; There is only one choice in life, love all or you are doomed.
(To the conscience)
That is what I say if asked about the truth.​ 
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You are as stubborn as a mule.
 
THE MAN
Save me the trouble and shut your mouth, I can hear voices coming from the east; Nothing of good can come if you keep rambling on, so give it a rest, the potent voice echoed shamefully in the south. Do not save kisses for me, do not save the lies, let it be; Flush them down the fucking loo, those true words won’t undo the guilt. Save me the trouble and shut that big mouth, your sarcasm scarcely appreciated in the north; Voices increased the reputation while truth decreased; pack up your troubles and exile to the west. Don’t cry for me, cry alone in a space; it has been a long and winding road. Show me the way to go the right, I have developed Alzheimer syndrome.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You’re talking nonsense now.
 
THE MAN
When do I ever speak rightly? Words, only words come to the mind and words are not the truth, are they?
 
THE CONSCIENCE
Not always no!
 
THE MAN
To hear through my ears from soft tongues inspired words, considering that the introspection of life dissatisfies; apprehending the melody of my voice when crying while praying with unique words. Appealing with a wave of sounds, beseeching facial movements encouraged by the motivations of the heart; I urge you conscience of mine to face other prospects in view, for I shall hear the morning singing, the afternoon laughing, while the evening cries. At night all hell let loose, the nightmares take over and drive me to the edge of weirdness. The new day begins, fresh as a daisy, directing my thoughts for something worthwhile, and I look for the errors made previously, and sort the unfinished promised, and maybe search for my lost emotions in a battle for love.
High noon What a cliché! The belly filled. The thirst subdued. The aftermath of yesterdays hunger forgotten. For the wrath of my deeds had the pleasure to place me in the hands' wickedness, where I inhabited evil and dealt with lust. Noon, today, declaring war on noons of yesteryears, I was foolish and stood amid immorality, I worked my way around and found iniquity, destroyed the words which were leading me to the right path. Abhorring the bloody voices of deceitful tongues. All’s well and the evening is well as well, As for my being, I am in a house filled with a multitude of sins, fear is around me, making the presence of it very obvious. The stagnated thoughts of the time of abomination linger on and on, What was it that I am suffering from? The answer is as easy as a pie, rotten one come to think of it, but very easy indeed. My crime wasn’t mine but mothers, She has borne be, brought me to life, to live in this appalling atmosphere which they call Earth! That is the abomination. It is the cause of my doings. I think about it a lot.
(To the audience)
Do you? Do I want to be led to righteousness? Produce my face sublime for anyone to see? Prove that my faithfulness is true? To block my mouth, while I rip off my tongue before you? To poke my eyes out and stuff my ears with super-glued cotton wool? 
(Turns away)
The part within which I call the heart is filled with wickedness; the open grave is waiting for me, it flatters me that I am wanted. Can I cast these thoughts which haunt me every minute that passes by? For these multitudes of transgressions are only committed in my insane mind. They rebel against my goodness, my fairness and my love of life! Without thoughts a body is useless. With maligned thoughts life is harrowing. To rejoice with the surrounds of living, to become pleasant by small favourable deeds done to me, to defend my exhausted mind from the assaults of cruel visions, to shout with joy, “I am free!” To hear through my ears from soft tongues inspired words, considering that the introspection of life dissatisfies; apprehending the melody of my voice when crying while praying with words that are unique, appealing with a wave of sounds, beseeching facial movements encouraged by the motivations of the heart.
 
THE CONSCIENCE
The abomination of crime, with hatred in the heart, filled with odium and detestation; while abhorrence digs deep within, as hate mingling with jealousy, results in disgust.
The loathing excels and shall fill the face with tears. Yet weeping doesn’t cleanse you. It will only split hairs.
 
THE MAN
To copulate as many parents did, expressing their love if any….Knowing, especially those days it was not proper, having got pregnant, vulgarising their youthful life, doting the quick marriage arranged, in love, in health, and in sickness, the couple becomes a family……..Knowing their life won't be the same any more, responsibility becomes the quest of managing, changing of nappies, sleepless night, lack of finance,
And unemployment…..Yet the fucking continues, and one child becomes three or four……To rise above marital problems, to buy happiness one cannot, to talk out the way of troubled waters. Yet disaffected by morality, giving the precocious time of living, the family survives. The harvesting of peace, with compassion interweaving, osculating the feet that the family walks on, giving the most of the time to secure, and sharing love, holds everyone together. In love, in health, and in sickness, so it should be!
 
THE CONSCIENCE
You have strolled into the conclave of the depraved. The face bloomed with fear, the heart blackened with horror, you surrendered the soul, stood among the corrupted; even perched yourself in the seat of the wicked. The means and the doings raged, your eyes saw perverted actions, while the ears heard loud voices of degenerated screams.
I saw you enjoying the uproar in the face of abnormality, savouring the smell of the incense dominating the ambience. Why did you stay when you the shadows of the reversed cross eclipsed the altar? There was the pretentious chanting mingled with the macabre dance, and you shook the hands of the pagan, the godly shall not stand in the way, Their souls will be driven away by the wind of change, there are no virtues in the congregation you should have escaped.

 

THE MAN
The profane gave me comfort, it gave me the idolatrous inheritance, I observed the horns with fear, rejoiced by the trembling of the body. The blasphemous offered me contentment, There was no thirst in the mouth. Hand in hand we turned round and round. This was the ultimate baptism of fire; The malevolent laid me on a bed of roses. Blessed I was and blessed I am. I have placed my trust in them. Then came the offer of sacrifices, laying down in peace I sleep with grace. The voices of black angels with an invigorating listening audience. Diffusing melodies of lost souls, refining the morbid hearts, in despondent arrangements, with mixed intonations and with that excellent choreographing of movements into profaning scales. The abusive tango, the seductive waltz, and the elusive fornicating slow grabbing dance transpose into sexual innuendos, with an exhilarating sound of the solo trumpet motivating the carnal movements. The quiver of the samba, exercising magnificent steps as the flesh to flesh it endorses the sensual style, bringing together the hearts filled with lust, penetrating the mind, now hypnotised by voluptuousness. The classic concerto rumbles on, it sounds the overture first, as it harmonises the illicit notes, roughly moves into a sombre rhythm, with diabolical chords, placing each note into a demonic crescendo. 
The composition of an infernal hymn proceeds, tying the wrongs notes pervading the church organ, not in the usual style, beating the fake tempo, orchestrating a satanic mood. As the priest lifts the symbol of his enemy, the Christ above his head, watched by pulsating congregation, filled with many grievous sins, figuring out how the hell
did it come to this! The waltz exposes freedom, round and round in an empty hall,
twisting and twisting, big steps, huge steps, while the naked couple copulates as the Blue Danube stops the musical motion. I saw her while she opened her legs, I forced myself into her and Satan laughed and laughed.

THE CONSCIENCE
I, your conscience has to admit that I cannot control this degradation of a human being. If I could leave you now I will. How can I get rid of you? Why don’t you do something about? Didn’t you yourself say you hate me, told me to shut up and to piss off? Remember? Why don’t you do something right for once and let me be?
 
THE MAN
(He turns on his back and laugh out loud hysterically)
Finally! I have the reason. The reason that I have been waiting for so long. I have been abandoned by my conscience. This is the final straw.
(He walks and from somewhere he produces a gun)
This is what you meant, did you? 
(As he points the gun to his head, but there is no answer)
To be dead in time for peaceful moments. To achieve the final answer. To acclaim that I shall meet my friend, the dearest one, death. I shall enjoy the damp soil, surrounded by rats, chewing my delicious corrupted flesh, while my soul shall go and live in the pit of darkness, and I shall rejoice in any away.
(He pulls the trigger and falls to the ground)

 

THE CONSCIENCE
The shadows are in existence, no lights anywhere, electricity not allowed, in pitch darkness, let there be some light. Not ever. He is there now, he sees nothing, not even himself. The light was day and dark was night. Perhaps a naked woman shall appear once again, tempting him as she grabs an apple and offers it to 
Will he enjoy the bite.

 

 

 

 

 

 


THE END